Achieving personal goals and ambitions

Self-belief and self-confidence matters

How important is self-belief and self confidence in achieving personal goals and ambitions? Very. I am uniquely qualified to talk about this as my life has comprised a litany of disappointments, very low lows and incredible highs. Ann Elliott invited me to speak at a women’s leaders in hospitality event by Propel Hospitality on the topic. It was the first time I’d bundled up my life journey and lessons into a talk, now delivered to a room of 400 people. If you’re a changemaker and tastemaker in food, I’m summarising it here in case it inspires anything. What would you add based on your experience?

Feel free to skip to the tips at the end, but it made sense to summarise said journey first by way of context (hoping it might entertain you too, spot the apt advertising slogan in the pic).

A little about me, first:

• Writer, presenter and Non-executive Director (NED)/Board advisor in food, drink and hospitality

• Grew up in Kolkata, India

• 1^st gen immigrant, came here to study, business studies degree and then journalism masters

• 23 years in the corporate world doing corporate and strategic consumer communications, and commercial strategy

• Wrote and commented on food alongside this

• Published author of two cookbooks, with three Board positions

In this time, there were some important tests of self-belief and self confidence in my life:

Phase 1: the beginning

At my first journalism job interview in the UK, my prospective employer said: “You have a flexible face, have you considered Bollywood”? I replied with, “I don’t think my father would be very happy with me running around trees after two degrees”.

My first employment in comms was a startup with three account executives. When the founder was away, I’d have to advise the clients many of whom assumed I was his PA. The boss took great joy in telling me he’d hired a journalist who couldn’t write.

In my first job in comms, I heard the refrain “too many chiefs only one Indian” many times but this was long before it was recognised as a micro aggression. I found it funny. The industry isn’t known for its diversity, but I enjoyed being in the spotlight and went on to be one of the youngest MDs at a global consultancy with a team of 16, hitting the steep revenue target set.

Along the way I discovered a love for food writing and a gap in the market for a fresh voice/face of Indian cooking. I decided to be the modern Madhur Jaffrey.

Phase II: The middle

I started a food blog in 2006 called Quick Indian Cooking and sent it to Chiki Sarkar, my publisher friend. She left me a voice message saying I had “voice” and introduced me to Claire Conrad, who remains my literary agent to this day.

It took 11 rejections for my 1st book proposal because publishers in the UK would not take on a new author from an ethnic background if they already had someone from the same community on their books.

Harper Collins took me on and I became the proud author of Miss Masala: Real Indian Cooking for Busy Living, the world’s first cookbook to be published with an explicit lyrics warning on the cover. I dedicated it to my first boss and sent him a signed copy in the post naming all the countries worldwide where it was being sold

To be the next Madhur Jaffrey, I had to learn how to use social media to build my personal brand. At the time, we had an unimpressive kitchen so I convinced my local Italian kitchen showroom to let me use it as a studio for my portrait shots. I did the books while managing a full time corporate career.

Fast forward a few years. I had a young family and decided to do more with my passion for food. I quit a successful full-time career to co-found a spice business, and start working on book 2 while also being a columnist for ES, combining this with a three day gig in comms consultancy. Proposal for cookbook no 2 Masala: Indian cooking for modern living had 9 rejections. It was eventually published by Bloomsbury in 2018.

Phase III: The end and the beginning

I learnt a lot about diversity and inclusion in media, publishing, food and drink along the way. The first time I took a retailer to task about cultural insensitivity was just after the launch of Masala. I spotted a Bengali Turmeric Curry kit and expressed my outrage on Twitter. I am Bengali and there is no such thing. The Observer ran a feature on said outrage. I did interviews all over the media about the hangover of colonialism in food. My 2nd cookbook shot to no 2 in Amazon’s bestseller list.

By the beginning of 2020, I decided to quit my cushy consulting gig of six years. The plan was to establish the spice business during gardening leave, then get another part time role and retire in Portugal as soon as possible. I thought: what’s the worse that can happen? Queue a global pandemic. I was now a single parent, single woman, unemployed, in charge of two kids half the week with no financial support and unable to pay my rent.

When things hit rock bottom, there is only one way they can go. I still wanted to do more with my passion for food. So I set up on own and decided on a career pivot taking what I know about communications and commercial strategy to the food, drink hospitality sectors. One of the first gigs I got was an invitation to run a food writing course at the British Library by Katy Jackson. I got trolled about this online and off by established food writing tutors, so I shared my upset on Twitter again.

A huge outpouring of support followed on there, including from some of the biggest names. The course sold out. British Library took so many requests, they had to get another one online for bookings. I inserted a one-page section on food, culture and mindset covering cultural appropriation, sensitivity, language and labels. That became a session I’ve now delivered to almost 900 individuals in food, drink, hospitality and beyond. The work led to more writing commissions, presenting gigs, board level advisory work and to where I am today. I’ve since upweighted my knowledge levels with studies on the role of food on the planet.

My top tips to keep going

My self-belief and confidence has been tested at every stage. Still is. So here’s how I keep going, if it inspires you.

1.     Life is like navigating rapids, it’s easy for the twigs, branches and falls to thwart you. Have a 10-year plan, revise it as often as you need or want to. There is a famous quote: If you don’t know where you’re going, how do you know how to get there?

2.     Don’t let anyone else tell you what you can’t do, you decide that for yourself. Ther are plenty of naysayers, doom mongers and negative noras out there. I actually find being told I can’t do something quite motivating.

3.     There will be hard knocks to self belief and self confidence, and it hurts. Take disappointment in your stride. Instagram wisdom tells me breakdowns can be breakthroughs, rejection is redirection. Sometimes things need to fall apart or not go the way you want them to, for a better way to emerge.

4.     When this happens, treat yourself with the highest levels of care and compassion. I learnt this from a speech made by Renée Elliott, the founder of Planet Organic. When the chips are down, I eat well, don’t drink alcohol, go to bed early, surround myself with loved ones and actively avoid confrontation and problems as much as possible. If you’re hurt, heal.

5.     You belong. I beat imposter syndrome by looking in the mirror every day and saying: “If Trump could be POTUS”. Feel free to pick your own idiot. Note: Imposter syndrome does come back! Most recently for me when I started my NED role (for no fault of the company), but I dealt with it.

6.     Surround yourself with people who will champion and challenge you. Ideally, they’ll be better than you. I’ve been grateful for many women and men in my career who believed in me before I did.

7.     There is no substitute for hard work, but remember to take breaks! Spotting the signs of burnout is crucial and these are different for everyone. The best wisdom I got is: “No” is a complete sentence.

8.     Self-belief and self-confidence need high levels of self-awareness. Know what you’re good at and not so good at. This builds resilience.

9.     If you’re from an underrepresented, minoritised and marginalised group or community it’s even more important to have self-belief and self-confidence because there is a lack of representation. It’s hard to see people like you and difficult to keep going. But meritocracry doesn’t work and for change to happen, sometimes you need to lead the way.

10.  If you’re achieving, put something back. It’s incredibly grounding, keeps egoes in check and reminds you why all the struggle was worth it! I was, in fact, sent the opportunity by Moni Mannings, who runs a network for people of colour who want to be non-executive directors.

The struggle isn’t over for me. I have lots of grand plans I’m trying to deliver in a tough economic climate, make ends meet, raise sensible teens (!) and grow my NED portfolio. But I suspect these learnings will help me keep going. I hope they help you too. Someone on my table kindly filmed my talk and I’ve popped it here for you if you can bear all 22 minutes of it.

If you’re keen to build your personal brand, you might also want to watch this session I was on with three amazing ladies for Borough Market too.